The Final Straw

I remember my mom saying that when people quit smoking, it is never because of one of the "big" reasons that are obvious, but some little personal thing that is actually kind of silly, but just annoys the person enough to quit. Well, the same happened with me, but instead of it being smoking, it is sleeping.

As I have already told some people, I apparently have at least one, or a couple sleep disorders. Im sure anyone who has ever met me can remember me sleeping somewhere odd and awkward... McCain, in class, during the ACTs, during the Weezer concert, sitting on the subway, standing on the subway, standing on the platform waiting for the subway.... many places. Well, when I fell asleep in the middle of talking to a student, that was it. I started researching sleep disorders.

I found out a few interesting things, but in particular that I have 4 of the main symptoms of narcolepsy. So I called a sleep center at a hospital and had a sleep study done. The first thing they always say is to take the Epworth Sleepiness Scale. At first I took it and thought it probably wasnt reliable. So I made a few other take it, they scored low, and I realized maybe it IS reliable.

I went in for the sleep study... they hook up 22 different types of sensors to monitor brain activity, eye movement, leg movement, breathing, heart rates, oxygen levels, snoring, etc. What they found is that I have sleep apnea, meaning that I either stop breathing or my breathing is so restricted for more than ten seconds at a time that my bloog oxygen levels drop. This can happen in everyone, but it should be less than 5/hour. During REM sleep, mine was 42 per hour. So, today, I got my breathing machine. I call it "Mr. Breathy" but the actual term is a CPAP machine. It just pushes air into my lungs constantly so that when my airway becomes restricted, air will still be pushed through.

Thank goodness I got it today. Right after the man left who came to set it up, I picked up my laptop. I was using it last night and had fallen asleep with it on my lap. Normally, I wake up at some point and set it on the floor. This time I hadn't apparently and it had slid onto the floor. My USB stick was still in the back of it and it bent it in half!!! Grrrr!!! I was sooo irritated... Sure, falling asleep in front of students is embarrassing, but my files!!! Luckily, they were still able to copy off of it onto my harddrive, but im not sure what will happen when i take it out of the USB port and try to straighten it out. Oh well. At least I have the files.

As a closing remark, everyone should take the Epworth Sleep scale... it takes 2 minutes and it gives you a good idea if you may have something that is uncommon, but you didnt realize because people just dont talk about it that much. Sleep disorders generally begin in teens and 20s but go undiagnosed for 10 or 20 years becuase it is attributed to other factors. So go, take it. Tell me what you get.

Estoy esperando ir a Venezuela

Well, i did it. I submitted my application for a mission trip this summer. For the last few months I have been saying Thailand Thailand Thailand. Then, at the last minute, as I was finishing the application and ranking the trips, I looked one last time at the Venezuela trip and said, sorry Thailand, Venezuela. I am not sure what exactly caused the change. Heres some background.

Organization: Real Impact Missions
Dates: July 5-August 2
Possible trips: Venezuela, Thailand, NYC

The Thailand trip is a group of about 15 to 20 people. They work at an orphanage that was started by a pastor to save female children from prostitution. Since prostitution is legal, many families sell their children either because they can't afford to keep them or because they just don't want them. The orphanage hunts down families who they believe will do this, either because they have sold daughters before or because of their financial crisis, and offer to take the daughter instead and feed, shelter, and educate her. In addition to helping there, they work with university students teaching English and other miscellaneous outreach activities.

The Venezuela trip has a more diverse focus. For the first two weeks, there is a group of 50 to 60 people. They work with the youth and do drama activities and teach about Christianity. They work in schools, parks, and anywhere they're needed. Then, in the middle of the month, another group of medical missionaries come and join the larger group. During that time, they work with the community about treating and preventing some of the diseases, trying to help as many people as possible in a short time. The larger group assists the medical team during this time. After the medical team leaves, usually some other have stuck around and done some more community projects, but since this year there are only about 6 who would be able, they have decided to all fly back together and debrief in Miami instead of in the country as they normally do.

So, I submitted the application and they contacted me today. We spoke about the specifics of each of the different trips (except for the NYC trip which I said absolutely not to), and about the possiblity of being an advisor or a team leader. The majority of the people involved in these missions are in their late teens or twenties. The team advisors each have a group of five to six people who they sort of watch out for and oversee, making sure nobody goes out on their own while also leading Bible studies and discussing all of the thoughts and feelings that are experienced during the mission. The team leaders sort of help oversee everything. I told them that I am willing to serve wherever I am needed. I also expressed that I think I can manage a group of 6 teenagers, or a group of 20 teenagers (especially ones who WANT to be there).

I am really excited about this. I look forward to the growth and the experience. I hope everyone will support me, especially those Spanish speakers by drilling me until then (haha). But honestly, I am lucky to have such wonderful loving friends and family who I know will support me and encourage the work that I hope to do.

A letter from Sean Smith (tito)

Yay! I got a letter from South Africa today! I am going to type some of it into here, assuming that Sean wouldn't mind. Ahhh... the good work of a campus safety officer turned Peace Corps.

"I was never very good at letter writing, and now it seems strange that I've picked it up here because it's such a mission to mail letters here. It's 3 different treks to get the stamps envelopes and then go to the post office. In addition, going anywhere around here is a hassle in and of itself due to being hte only white person and I'm constantly being harassed. Not usually in a bad way, but people asking me what I'm doing here, asking me for money, or sometimes the typical pointing and laughing. It's getting better though as people are becoming familiar with me, but it's still a pain in the ass after putting up with it for the past 5 months.
"This are okay I suppose. I mean, they could be worse. Right now it's very, very hot. Like I mentioned earlier about heat stroke, I've never had anything like that happen to me before. The sun is brutal here. I don't know if it's a Southern hemisphere thing or what, but I feel energy just fly out of me in the sun.
"I hope I make it out of Africa unscathed. Everything here is out to kill you. The insects all carry some scary disease like tick-bite fever or malaria, the animals are all venemous or have huge teeth, and the plants look like nature's razor wire. The weather is not your friends either between super lightning storms and heat stroke. Then there is HIV/AIDS which is just dessimating the population. On top of that is the out-of-control crime rate and I basically look like a huge target to muggers... I'll stop, I'm making myself scared.

"So you know the saying 'you don't really know what you've got till it's gone?' That is so true for me. I miss America so much. Not only am I on the other side of the planet from my friends and family, but I miss western civilization. I miss being physically comfortable. I dont think I have been since I got here; I sweat when I'm trying to go to sleep. Yeah, that's it! I miss air conditioning. I miss TV, radio, internet, books (that I haven't read), basically all media. I miss reliable electricity, not having to share a toilet, and the ability to take a hot shower/bath; the bucket bath is such a pain in the ass. I miss going out at night (you can't cause of crime) and food with flavor (South African food is bland)... I just realized I could go on forever with this rant so I'll stop. I know I couldn't comprehend how nice I had it before this little adventure, but now I think I would be content with any job in America, knowing that no matter how much I was struggling, I am still better off than 90% of the people in Africa. I know I saw this all the time now and the words themselves don't mean much, but appreciate what you have now. To live in America is to be truly blessed, and once I realized how many people in the world lived in poverty, I can consider myself lucky."


Amen Sean. Thanks for reminding me (and all of us, since I share everything) of how lucky we are. Thank God for people like Sean who are willing to leave his entire life to try to make a little difference in those areas of suffering. What an amazing person and sacrifice to make.

If anyone would like to write to him or anything, he would LOVE to hear from people. Just let me know and I will send his address there.

mozambique1

mozambique1
Originally uploaded by nyjenn313.

Another picture from Sean. The caption that he wrote was "In case I forget what country I am in." What a tourist!

mozambique2

mozambique2
Originally uploaded by nyjenn313.

Sean sent me some pictures. He took a vacation for a week to go to Mozambique and see the beaches. He is doing well and back in South Africa.

Finding God in NYC

I remember a sermon from when I had only been in New York about 6 months that was titled, "Where is God in New York City?" I don't know if anyone remembers, but it wasn't long after I saw one of my students get attacked because of some gang activity. At the time, I had closed off my heart and decided that God was not in New York City at all. That sermon especially spoke to me.

Over the last few months, I've really been trying to find a church that I felt was a good fit for my spiritual needs. For awhile, I just refused to try because I was too scared. I've realized that when you don't really have any attachment to a specific denomination, or some other guiding force, finding a new church is sort of like dating... you try a few out, you see if they say anything that you just can't stomach, you see how they treat their mothers and their children... and you eventually find a match, then deciding to open up your heart and share your life. It's a scary commitment. In visiting different churches in New York I've realized that beyond the differences in style or music or congregation size, there are two main classifications that I have noticed. There are the churches here that have given in to what I call "New York City life" which means that casual sex is unavoidable, drinking a little beyond what is healthy is still morally acceptable, and many other things that millions of people are engaging in will not be spoken against for fear of losing members of the congregation. New York has a very migrant population and this applies also to churchgoers - they travel around. Then there are the other churches who are not afraid to stick to their guns, and are some of the morally strongest establishments that I have witnessed. These churches are fighting with all of their hearts and strength and resources to try to break down the "Sex in the City" stereotypes and reach the lost people in their 20s and 30s who are being torn between God's will and the pressures of the city life.

I attended a service today at the 5th Ave Presbyterian Church. A friend recommended that I check it out, and, oddly, I listened. I guess I sort of realized that I had closed my heart to a huge population within the Christian community by refusing the check out any denominational church. I think I will stick with this one for awhile. Partially, it is because if I really want to go on a mission this summer, I need to open myself up so that my heart can be molded. The second reason was something that the pastor said in his message. He came here ten years ago from Texas. He said that he loves preaching in New York because New Yorkers are not practicing Christianity blindly, but, like with everything else, they are stubborn and resistant, develop questions and seek answers. New Yorkers are not afraid to spar with God and throw some punches or even bite if necessary, but knowing all the while that God may punch back because He has defenses of his own.

Some days I really hate it here. It's no secret. But today, as I am sitting in the middle of a park (fully equipped with wireless internet) and I think about the many different faces of Christianity, I think maybe some parts of it aren't so bad, even if they are a little more difficult to find.

Ode to My Rice Bag

Oh, Rice Bag. I love you so.
When I lie in bed, you keep me warm.
For as the evening is chilly, you are there.
Since my landlord has turned off the heat over two weeks ago,
You, my rice bag, still care.
Rice bag, we looked, to find the rules
And, alas, we have learned, the minimum
"Fifty-five" at night, we read
As the chill numbed my toes
So I turned to you,
You plaid beauty,
Took you in my hands,
And placed you in the microwave.
Two minutes later and things were getting hot.
I took you to my room,
left you under the covers
ANd waited for my bed to be warm enough to tolerate.
While we always start off hot,
By morning, the flame has worn away.
Thermodynamics... our enemy.
Though you were still there,
By morning you were cold,
As was I.
But, oh, rice bag....
Rice dream...
Thank you for your warmth.



In other words... MY APARTMENT IS SO COLD!!!! I miss having heat that I could control! Blast this steam heat! Grrr.... At least I have my beanies... that I can wear.... all day.. even indoors.... grrr..

Parent Teacher Conferences

The biggest, scariest two days of the semester are over. These were actually the easiest that I have had yet. I am not sure if it is because the weather was finally nice and so nobody wanted to go to a school when they didn't have to, or if it was because I've been better about sending home progress reports and have had the same kids all year, but I barely had any parents. I mean, still around 30, but when you could be teaching up to 160 students a day as a math teacher (or have over 300 students if you teach an A/B day class like gym), only 30 is nothing. I actually only have about 100 students now because the statistics classes are small.

So, the funny story of this semesters P/T conferences goes to the librarian, a dear friend of mine.

Mother: My son says that he never checked out a book. He shouldn't have a fine and I want his report card (which you can't get if you have outstanding fines)
Librarian: What is your son's name? I can look it up in the computer.
Mother: My son is _______. This is ridiculous. My son is always getting blamed for things. The school called me and said that people are accusing him of having hacked into the school's computer network and into other people's computers... It is all completely ridiculous. My son would never do anything like that. He is a good kid.
(as the mother is going on, Librarian sees in the computer what book the boy checked out).
Librarian: I am sorry, but I do personally remember checking this book out to your son. You will have to pay the fine.
(Mother pays the fine)
Librarian: Also, if you see the book at home, we would still like to have it returned. I would appreciate if you could look for it.
Mother: Fine, I will. What is the name of the book.
Librarian (trying not to chuckle or laugh): How to Hack Into Computers


HAHAHA... that is so funny. I mean, I feel bad, but it's funny. The librarian checked the date and realized it was like 4 days before the school had all the reports of this kid doing some hacking. Im not sure exactly what the problems were, but I know a lot of people were involved. Quite incriminating evidence, I would say though. Silly boy.

I was also told that I am a large contributing factor in the downfall of public education. That was the low point of the conferences. This woman says that her son "isn't being reached" and that I "and all his other teachers are losing him." I am sorry, but her son doesnt do any work or take any notes. He really is bright, but he is lazy. Sweet kid though. He had the guts to wear a republic pin all during election time even though everyone gave him a ton of guff for it. I may not have been super pro-Bush, but it's hard to go against the grain in high school.

Anyways, back to topic. I survived parent teacher conferences. It is always the time that I feel the oldest though because I realize that there is a community of adults (parents) who regard me as ... hmm... an authoritative adult. I'm an educator. I still dont buy it. I just think I am a really really good actress playing the part of a teacher. Maybe I am. Maybe there is no difference. Regardless, I'm here and growing up.

So Tired!

Ever since day light savings, my sleeping schedule seems so off. Before, I would get home, it would be getting dark shortly thereafter, and I would wind down, do some work, and go to bed. Now, I come home, it is still so light out that I think, "Hey! Ive got time for a nap!" (no jokes, please) So, I lie down to take my nap. But, since I am relatively delirious while I am napping, each time that the phone rings and it is some form of a telemarketer, my subconscious decides that "earns" me more of a nap for my troubles. So, I sleep more. By the time I know it, it is a little after seven o clock and Ive been asleep for two hours. Still, it isn't dark though, so I feel like I have all the time in the world. Oy.

Parent teacher conferences are Thursday and Friday. I dont mind doing them, but I DO mind having to be there so long. We work all day thursday, then have the conferences from 6-8:30. It's new york, so a three hour gap isnt worth going home for. Then we work again Friday morning for a half day and have parent teacher conferences in the afternoon until 3. So, it ends up that within a two day period I am in the school at least 20 hours. Yuck!! I will bring a pillow and nap in between, I suppose. At least my time will be productive.

Saturday morning cartoons?

What has happened to them? I woke up, turned on my TV... and like every other week, I saw a variety of pokemon-style cartoons, a handful of Hillary Duff type shows, and infomercials. They are just no good. They don't appear to have any educational value, or any moral lessons, and to be honest, I don't even find them very interesting. The pokemon-style cartoons are just all about fighting and the Hillary Duff style shows are all about boy-girl relationships.

I was excited when it was 1 o clock and Family Matters came on. Good ol' Steve Urkel. My latest hobby has been looking into where all my favorite childhood stars have run off to. Well, cool cat Jaleel White is apparently now a write and has his own NBA blogger. Interesting. NBA Blog Site Whenever I see child actors on Broadway or on TV I always wonder what they will be like as 20-somethings.

Uh oh.... caring about celebrities?? Me?? Maybe I've been in New York too long...