Giving up? Giving in? Moving on?

Dreams and goals are a funny thing. Some goals you don't realize you have until ten seconds before you need to act upon them, and some you develop ten or twenty years ahead of time.

I've wanted to be a teacher since I was in the third grade. At the time, i thought to teach you only needed a high school degree, and I wanted the easy way out. The more I worked with students, the more I developed a love and interest in the field.

So the decision that Im considering making is difficult. But, I think I am going to quit teaching. The politics are intense in New York, and perhaps I truly am not thick-skinned enough for the system. Or, perhaps I actually am targeted a little more because I am so easy going, laid back, respectful, and young.

I know, right now, if you know me, you are thinking, "You are being too rash!!! Calm down, take a minute, think this through!!" And to that, I say, I have. A lot, of course. The sad part is that when i started thinking about it, I was kind of excited to not be teaching anymore... to do something else. Its sad that we live in such a broken and hurting world that just being good is a difficult thing to do without almost unbearable resistance.

I do not want to leave education though. At this point, I am hoping to get a position as a math coach (a sort of consultant who works with teachers, especially new teachers, and helps them develop good teaching methods). If not, then I may tutor privately. Either way, after one year, I will be applying to a phD program in educational research that I am very excited about.

Education is where I am meant to be, without a doubt. The issue is determining where I fit into the broad spectrum of jobs associated with education. Still, even thinking about not being a teacher is bizarre to me. Bizarre, alarming, unsettling, saddening.... everything. Sad for the students, sad for the system.... I dont know how to fix education here, but hopefully if I can become a coach, I will be able to impact some things. But who knows.

Good People marathon - Part III - the wedding

Okay, this post is a week overdue. My apologies to the good people included in this posting who had not yet been mentioned.

8. Juan - This is the friend who was getting married - the whole reason I was in LA. I met Juan in California, when I went to the University of Redlands. The city of Redlands collects all of the smog that comes in from LA, and I was getting headaches. Juan came to me one day and said that the next morning he was going to drive into the mountains to Lake Arrowhead and asked me to join him, hoping that the fresh air would help me feel better. It did help. Juan was also the person who brought me a Bible and told me there might be some good advice inside of it, even though I didn't believe in it. I stayed up the entire night reading, and have considered myself a Christian ever since. I am happy that we have stayed in touch and that he made me a part of his wedding day.

9. Juan's family - This is just one of the greatest families that I have ever met. Every time that I am in LA, they make me feel as if I am one of the family. I have stayed with them a few times on vacation, and even visited with my mother. Juan's parents are a good example of a loving, healthy set of parents who raised their children unselfishly and with lots of love. Being around this family and seeing them all work together to basically put together a whole wedding and reception on their own was refreshing.

10. Linda - Ive tributed Linda before, but I can never mention her enough really. She has moved to San Diego and will be doing her residency there. Linda is a sweet loving person who I know will be a good friend to me, regardless of how much or how little she agrees with me sometimes. I can go to her for anything, and share anything with her. Anyone who knows her is lucky to have her in their life. I wish she would update her blog a little more often though. hehe.

11. Casey - Casey is Linda's husband and has also become a good friend of mine. I particularly enjoy discussing problems or thoughtsi with Linda and Casey because when Linda and I may just sit there being girls and thinking like girls, Casey always brings a different perspective. He has a knack for trying to see things through the eyes of the other person involved. More importantly, he is a wonderful husband to one of my dearest friends.

And then I flew back to New York. What a week!

Good People Marathon - Part II - LA

I am in LA for a wedding until Sunday. This part of the trip so far will be part II of the good people marathon, of three parts.

5. Wednesday - Brandan. For anyone who knows me, or Brandan, I need not go into the power of the relationship that I have with this person. Brandan has been everything to me at some point or another. He is my beloved cousin who I grew up with side-by-side. We spent our summers together everyday in elementary school, we drove to school together everyday in junior high and high school. In college, I did my laundry at his apartment and we shopped together, danced together, and spent hours on the phone together (usually at work at 6 am). As Brandan told someone last night "We are really more like brother and sister than anything else." Also, we have agreed that for every ten thousand he makes as an actor, I should get 100 (1%). I have confidence that he will make it big, so this should pan out.

6. Thursday - Brandon from ACI. When Brandan my cousin asked how Brandon and I knew each other, he replied "Jenny tutored me in Calculus." Personally, I would have never said that I tutored him, even though I was being paid to. Brandon was my math partner for a good three years of math agony. Without his calculator skills, I dont know if I ever would have passed some of those classes. But since then, he has also become a good friend and someone I respect a lot. He went to engineering school in St Louis and is now working full time in LA. He still finds time to have fun though.

7. Thursday - Laurel. Oh, Laurel. I have known her since I was 8 years old. All of my funniest, scariest, happiest, and craziest memories of high school involved Laurel in one way or another. We were in drama together, pulled pranks together, met Weird Al, walked around the river, and spent countless hours with other random people together (petr with the big head, Gary from Iowa...). Laurel went to school in Boston and has made her way to California, and eventually LA. I would have voted her the person most likely to have nothing to do with the sports industry, but here she is - doing computer graphics for the broadcasts of professional sporting events. It is good to see Laurel, but more importantly, it is good to see Laurel happy.

Wow... 7 people already! I said it was going to be a marathon!

Good People Marathon - Part I

This week has been what I would like to refer to as my Good People Marathon. The first portion of these were in New York, the next in LA.

Part I - New York.

1. Friday-Saturday. LaDonne and Ian. They came up from NJ partially to congratulate me for graduating and partially because we hadn't seen each other in a few months. LaDonne is teaching in Camden, NJ and Ian is working at the Public Defender's office in Philadelphia. LaDonne was my roommate my senior year of college and my coworker for the AVID program for two years. LaDonne is a very sensible and loving person with a heart for teens and people. I can always depend on her to support even my craziest ideas. They both have provided invaluable support over the last two years of living out here.

2. Saturday - Danny. He is a New Jersey born venezuelan who lived in Canada for the last ten years. Danny works in TV now and hopes to somehow use TV and media to make the public more aware of ways to help people at home and abroad who are suffering. He lived at an orangutan refuge for a few months at one point. Danny has gone through the same transitions moving to New York less than a year ago. He is good for fun time or for serious time, if he isnt working so hard that he has no time.

3. Monday - Eric. I met Eric this spring. He works with computers doing GIS work in Manhattan, but lives and was raised in New Jersey. Eric has a very genuine and honest personality. His presence reminds me that not everyone has the New York mentality, which is much harder to remember, even not being from New York. He has reminded me to enjoy things in life like music, movies, and simply having fun with someone, even while being a busy teacher. He is also wonderfully supportive of the work that teaching requires and the stress that sometimes occurs. Eric has a fun, sarcastic personaility that washes away any sort of blues and keeps me smiling. He is good for the soul.

4. Tuesday. Mas. He is a friend of friends from ACI. Mas and I never really knew each other in college, mostly just because we were rarely in the same place at the same time. He has just moved to New York for a summer internship and still has the fresh awe of a new New Yorker. He also still has the energy and charisma of the small town West. His excitement about the big city and all that it encompasses reminds me of my first few months in the city.

Humor for my math buddy

Spring05_49
Originally uploaded by nyjenn313.

This was drawn by a student at my high school.

Spring05_50
Originally uploaded by nyjenn313.