Grumpy

Yeah, I'm grumpy today. I have a legitimate reason though. Okay, remember back when I got my breathing machine and I thought it was like the worst thing in the world and I totally hated having to use it? Well, then I went away for a month to Venezuela, and I didn't bring it. Wow. What a difference. My thoughts were swimmy, I was falling asleep everywhere, and I had a really hard time concentrating. I couldn't wait to have it and use it again! Remember, I was falling asleep at least 5 times a day before I had it.

Well, since I have been back though, I take it off in the middle of the night. I thought that it was because I had a hacking cough when I first came back, and I can't cough with it on. But I don't have a cough anymore and I still do it... every single night. I'm really starting to feel it too. So, I went back in to the doctor and I told him. He said that maybe it is annoying me, so he gave me a different type of face piece that goes sort of into my nose instead of the cup that goes over it. This is more like an oxygen tube with a larger diameter. I was so excited about it. Last night I couldnt wait to go to sleep!! But then, at 3 am, I took it off. How do I know it was 3 am? Well, when I first began the removal process, I would take off the mask, turn off the machine, and never remember a thing. Then I began to remember turning off the machine... followed by remembering unhooking the face piece. And now, I have progressed to a new level where I took it off, AND remembered that I always wonder what time I take it off at, so I checked my watch. But yet, I didn't tell myself to put it back on!!!!! GRRR!!!!

I don't know what else to do. I'm like a drug addict or something that wants to quit but physically can't. I have tried reading before bed, stretching, drinking more water, drinking less water, wearing my retainer, not wearing my retainer, sleeping with a stuffed animal... I just keep taking it off. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe the air level isn't right anymore. Still.... Im going to South America in four days and Im barely lucid. UGH!!! Can someone please come watch me sleep and slap my hands away?

I need a nap now.